Hyperlinked.

I was thinking, what would make a blog post interesting......and the answer was....
HYPERLINKING!

Thats right! Hyperlinking! Today we begin our Journey at what i was doing last night :).

Firstly, my apologies to a lot of people ( especially Pheobe) for not getting to this blog post sooner. Instead of typing out my incessant ramblings about the world I was busy gossiping idle nonsense to Miki and reading J.R.R. Tolkien's Epic , The Hobbit , while listening to Abba's Rendition of "I will survive".( that oh so cool song featured in Meet the Spartans)

Allow me to elaborate on what a wonderful book "The Hobbit" is.


The Hobbit begins with an introduction of the much loved character, Bilbo Baggins of Bag End, Underhill. Naturally, judging by the title he is a hobbit. One with furry feet and strong inclination towards food and staying at home. I'm not going to retype the script so I'll just summarize. Bilbo is dragged, kicking and screaming, by esteemed wizard Gandalf the Gray, on an adventure, to act as burglar for none other than the great Thorin Oakenshield and company, on a quest to liberate stolen hoards of gold and many other niceties from Smaug the Dragon ( among other things). Along the way, they are constantly beset upon by evil of all sorts including trolls, which brings us to the first fork of the road.
Yes, I know what you girls are thinking....how cute.....well, these are trolls, but not the sort I'm talking about, in fact the ones that come into my tale look nothing like that at all. They remind me more of this.

Hmmm, getting warmer, but definitely not there yet.. Lets try again, shall we?

Ahh, thats better, the entire troll family is here... Yeap! Troll Tribes rocketh my socketh. We should call our clan that :).


Trolls, are a fearsome member of a mythical race from Norse Mythology. Unbeknown st to me, according to the esteemed godlessdevil of blueserver, a cousin of a friend, they have, amongst other things, an absolutely incomprehensible fascination with their male members, or to put it bluntly their penises. ( YES, I SAID IT! PENISES! What else were u expecting on this blog anyway?!)

Ahem, sorry about that. Back to our story. It seems that trolls aren't the only ones that have ths rather odd fetish. Apparently some people are like that too! For example, our clan has 2 trolls in it, for now, and I heard that the monkey ( THE monkey) grows more troll like by the day. However, compared to these other blokes, we're nothing. We're not even good enough to be considered as minions. People around the world worship penises every single day. Observe.
HOLY SHIT! What is that? The wang house? This was apparently done by a Buddhist sect in Bhutan that follows the teachings of a certain monk that taught that sex and alchoholism are the ways to nirvana. He was outta his mind! Worse, there were people out there willing to believe him....in short, this "holy man" made the hippies look like prudes, even at the height of the whole free-love movement.



I know what you're thinking............a cock-forest. This is an actual Shinto altar in Japan. Apparently, people inscribe their wishes onto porcelain penises and worship them, in hopes of getting rewarded someday...with what...i don't wanna know. I can just imagine, a prayer would go something like this,

Dear Great Penis God,
I, humbly ask, in great reverence and awe, that you graciously grant me my greatest wish. I would like a bigger penis...not only longer, but girthier as well. My marriage depends on it.

Your's truly,
Mr. small 8=D

Then here comes the motherload. The big Kahuna Himself. Brace yourselves.
Now, Kevin, if you are reading this, I don't wanna hear any more from you about big black negro dicks. Look at these Japs...they've got a monster! Actually its about 9-feet-long and 620 pounds.
Epic. A Greek god would have trembled in its presence.

Obviously most of you girls would think that this whole obsession with penis size is a totally male thing. I beg to differ. I offer you evidence to the contrary! I have some pictures taken at the very same ceremonies in Japan which I have already talked about. I present exhibit A.
She's carrying that wang like she's carrying a baby....and look at the smile on her face....she's enjoying herself alright...


Now, I've seen some messed up things in my life...but cock shaped ice cream????? Those Japs are more messed up than i thought. Not to mention, that girl doesn't look a day over 12! Talk about the coercion of a minor. I wonder if she even knows what she's doing, or what that is. Imagine if you were some sick sex predator, Now come here little girl, do you want some ice cream? I tell you, this takes the cake. Remember little girls, don't follow strange men home, especially if they offer you cock shaped ice cream and promise to "play dolls with you" and watch "Michael Jackson music videos" later on.

Okay, thats all about penises for now, back to our main story, The Hobbit. If any of you are interested in the full article on all this cock-worship , the link is here.
http://www.cracked.com/article_16103_5-inspiring-religions-that-worship-penises.html
enjoy.

Back to Bilbo and company. After evading the trolls at the last possible moment, They made their way north across the Misty Mountains only to be captured by Goblins along the way. Now, on trying to escape, it is at this point that Bilbo, our pint sized hero, comes across the ONE RING! Which brings us to the next part of our story.

Dear Kim, I accidentally snapped the chain with the ring on it when i was on fungus cleanup so many days ago. Most sorry for the delay in telling you. I can just imagine your face :).
Whoops, sorry...thats more or less for your crystal doggie....I meant this one.
YEAP! Thats the one! Now all you need to do is imagine yourself saying "MY PRECIOUSSSSSS"

Muahahahahahah

Back to our story, our hero spent many times riddling with the little twisted slinker in an underground cave, winning his freedom through some clever riddles, and cheating.

After this they bundled along through the dark forests of Mirkwood (which miki swears she owns). In fact, I think she'd make a comely Forest Queen. Like so.
Muahahahhaha.......ALL HAIL QUEEN PRINCELING THE 3RD!

After floating down on barrels they finally come to lake town, and the last leg of their journey. They scale the lonely mountain, irk a dragon into destroying the village below, and consequently results in the dragon's death at the hands of a mighty warrior named Bard.
The greed of dwarves is not to be taken lightly and quarrels soon erupt over how to divide the spoils. With the coming of Goblins, this tale culminates in the Battle of the Five Armies, where Men,Elves,Dwarves and Eagles fight the Evil Goblins, resulting, as always, in the good guys winning the day. All's well that ends well one says, and Bilbo heads of home to lead a quiet life... or does he? Well we shall find out, when we read Tolkien's next epic, The Lord of the Rings. Expect to see this horrible slimy creature a lot though.
Oh yes, we know him well. Definitely not loved, but known. That brings us to the end of our epic tale. Indeed one of Tolkien's masterpieces. Those of you who have not read it really should. Highly recommended. :)