Another mom-funded monkey killing safari

Hello, I've been up to no good, as usual. If you want to know what i did, please, read the text green text below! Or if you don't have time and don't want to read my Trashy Hunting Story, skip it alltogether and Jump right down to the bottom where the green text ends!

Greetings fellow hunters!

Most of you have probably been wondering what I've been up to these past few weeks!
Alas! Its been fraught with danger and excitement, not a tale for the faint of heart!
We've been stalking the elusive and rare Alwines Chuales, nicknamed "Olin-lor" by the locals, though they spell it's differently in their own language.

This elusive primate originates from the deep, unexplored jungles of North Borneo, in the state of Sabah, Malaysia. Stalking this elusive ape is not an easy tasks. Indeed, only a handful have been seen and photographed, let alone shot! Our adventure begins in the capital city of Kota Kinabalu, where we stocked up on hunting gear. I personally chose the M-21 Designated Marksmen Rifle, which has been my favorite and has proven itself over many hunts. My associate, Mr J. Renny, decided on the SVD Dragunov Sniper Rifle, which he favoured. Mr Renny has been my partner on many hunts in the past, along with our faithful native tracker, Mr Wong C.H., who, for brevity's sake, we shall henceforth refer to by his local name, "Nub".
Here is a picture of our brave party at the successful conclusion of one of our previous expeditions seeking out the ferocious Giant Wild Turkey of DOOM!

From the left, there is myself, flanked to the right by Mr J. Renny and in the foreground, complete in traditional garb, Mr Wong C.H. At our feet lies the fruit of our labor, the Giant Wild Turkey of DOOM!

It is time i told you more about our elusive prey. Alwines Chuales, or locally known as the Yuan Ming Chua. He is habitually a shy and reclusive creature. However, DO NOT BE FOOLED! A hunter must always be mindful that the Yuan Ming Chua is a powerful predator at the very top of the food chain! Behind that shy facade, the Yuan Ming Chua often attacks at the slightest provocation, baring both teeth and claws!On several occasions, this primitive ape has been noted to attack with MODERN WEAPONRY that was probably stolen from some hapless hunter who was ill-prepared to face the Yuan Ming Chua! This intelligent simian has proved the downfall for many an unprepared hunter. It should also be noted that the Yuan Ming Chua is also known to attack in packs! The bonds of family are tight in this primate family, where an attack on one can sometimes mean an attack by all his male siblings. This makes the Yuan Ming Chua an especially dangerous prey to attack!

This species however, has a very peculiar social structure. In a troop of Yuan Ming Chuas the males live separately from the females of the species, only coming together during the mating season for the purpose of reproduction. Courtship within the species is a fascinating process. The male Yuan Ming Chua will usually court the female of the species with lavish offerings of fruit (including bananas) and gifts ( everything from jewels to mobile phones!) The female, locally known as the When-Die Chua, is very prone to promiscuous behavior, particularly in the presence of other males of the Yuan Ming Chua's immediate family! It has been hypothesized by leading primate researchers that the reason for this, pseudo-incestuous behavior stems from the fact that When-Die Chuas instinctively seek the alpha males in a group, often the richest of the lot, and then mate with him to produce offspring. However, the complexities of a social relationship in a Yuan Ming Chua family are no less complicated than our own! The relationship may fail due to any number of reasons, from the death of potential mate all the way to what seems to us as boredom! This is particularly interesting as it is the only instance in the animal kingdom that we have observed such human behaviors! Indeed, some scientists have hypothesized that the Yuan Ming Chuas may indeed be the missing link between man and ape but only DNA testing can prove the link! However, this has not yet been accomplished due to the elusiveness and cunning of the animal. Therefore, all importance is placed on the outcome of this hunt, not only to achieve the Holy Grail of a hunter's career, but also to make a significant contribution to the scientific community to help us understand this rare and understudied species better.

From Kota Kinabalu, we hiked North, into the untamed lands of Penampang, a good 3 day hike. On the first day we encountered all manner of smaller primates, from the common gibbon to the endangered orangutan, but no sign of our prey. No matter,for the day was young and we had only just stepped into the edges of the wild. From the distance we could make out the cries of other monkeys and birds. We were getting closer. That night we rested under the shade of a large Banyan tree, always aware that we were being watched on all sides by prying eyes. On many occasions Mr Renny and I awoke from a restless sleep with the feeling that we were not alone. Only the seasoned tracker, Mr Wong slept soundly under his sheets, probably thinking of his wife who lived in a faraway land.

After a restless night's sleep, we journeyed on that day across the Moyog river, deeper into the wilderness. As the river's froth bubbled around our ankles we forded the river, our rifles always held high above our heads so as not to wet them. We forded as quickly and quietly as we could, always on the lookout for crocodiles or snakes. Every bump that I felt against my ankles sent a shiver down my spine as I thought of what horrible man-eater is lurking beneath the icy, muddy water. In what seemed like an eternity, we made it to the other bank. As we sat there, drying under the hot midday sun, I questioned the purpose of our expedition and our ability to see our mission through to the end. I actually wondered if we'd make it out of this jungle alive. The jungles of North Borneo make the forests of Europe look like children's playgrounds. That night we camped out on a high plateau under the stars, no longer willing to stay in the endless jungle. At first, we were happy with the change, but as night wore on, we realized we had made a serious mistake. Under our plateau was a swamp, and with it came clouds of mosquitoes. Millions of the little vampires sucked and prodded at us as we slept, going so far as to bite us through the very clothes on our backs! We had no choice but to wait it out as the night was at its darkest then.

Red and welted, we woke up the next morning to dense fog all around. Barely able to see more than mere metres in front of us we trudged on in a line around our waists so as not to lose each other in the fog. Then as we descended further and further into the valley, the calls we had heard so long ago, monkey calls, greeted our ears like trumpets. They were wild, loud calls and they came from very close by! As we descended lower, the fog began to lift and we were greeted by the sun which had hidden itself all morning. Looking over from the hill on which we stood, we saw a vast sea of green. We were on the rim of a bowl. We had reached the Valley of PowerNet, deep in the heartlands of Penampang. With grim expressions, we strode on in search of our prey.
As we entered the valley, we stowed our packs under the roots of a huge tree, to keep them safe. We knew that with them on we would not be nearly mobile enough to catch the agile Yuan Ming Chua high in his tree top home. As we slung our rifles onto our backs, we kept a sharp eye out for the primate. Our tracker, Nub, ( or if you have forgotten, Wong C.H.) goes forward to search for the signs of passage of our prey. Suddenly, he motioned for us to stop and gestured forward. Ahead of us was a trail of banana peels which we were sure led to our query. However, I also knew that the Yuan Ming Chua is an especially cunning little ape and so elected that we go around on a parallel path so as not to lose the trail but to keep out of being easy targets for the Yuan Ming Chua. At this critical stage of our journey, we advanced as stealthily as hunters could. At last we reached a clearing, in the middle of which was a lone banana tree. The fruits on the tree were the biggest I have ever seen, easily 2 feet in length from end to end! The trail ended there, so I decided , along with Mr Renny that the Yuan Ming Chua had been using this tree to feed on and would be back. We set up and waited for hours. As the day wore on, our dear tracker Nub, decided to live up to his namesake and against our wishes ventured into the clearing to claim a few of those tempting bananas. Little had he stepped into the clearing he was shot in the shoulder by an unseen shooter. We had little time to react. As Mr Renny scrambled to the front and laid down suppressive fire with his SVD, I moved forward to pull Nub to safety. Thankfully he was not mortally injured, but we were far from out of the fire. As Mr Renny reloaded after expending his clip of 7.62mm rounds on the target where he thought the shooter was, the damned monkey opened up again with a hail of gunfire pinning Mr Renny down. I then stepped forward and put one into the monkey's chest, bringing him down and claiming our prize. here is a picture of the Yuan Ming Chua moments before I pulled the trigger!
BOOM and down he went. We listened intently for the cries of other Yuan Ming Chuas but there was nothing. We were lucky. This one was operating alone. We claimed the body and carried it out, along with our injured guide who lay on a stretcher made of wood, vines and a little tarp. The trip out of Powernet Valley was just as long as the entry, but uneventful. After all, you've heard it all already.

THE END


So thats the end of our story. Yes, that was me being dramatic! Its the Tolkien in me coming to the surface ( actually, its not even a Rowling). I like writing. I haven't written an essay since secondary school and I miss doing that.Well, long story short, I spend last night playing Call of Duty 4 at Powernet. There Jess and I ganged up on a poor monkey and nailed his hide to the floor in Call of Duty 4. Basically we had a good 364ish kills to his paltry 120ish. So I guess it was a good win :). I'm still looking for things to do. Probably getting a job while I wait to head to Kelantan. I'd also like to apologise once again to Pheobe for stealing dear Jess away from her last night. I'm really sorry for that. Best Regards to all. Cheers.

Btw, One last little detail. I've added a game in the right side of the interface. Its for all of you who missed out on the hunt. I'm sorry. Its not as nice as killing the real "monkey" but I'm sure its better than nothing. :)