A Balanced Christian Viewpoint

I found this on the web. It really answered a lot of questions for me, whether cessassionism was bibical of continuationism was biblical. All in all a good read.

The Uneasy Conscience of a Non-Charismatic Evangelical
By: Daniel B. Wallace Share3 Printer-friendly versionSend to friend


Ed. Note: This message is a slightly modified version of what was given at the Evangelical Theological Society's regional meeting in 1994, held at John Brown University in Arkansas. It may be helpful for those reading Dr. Wallace's other essays on conflicting pneumatologies (i.e., different views of the Holy Spirit's ministry) to gain a balanced perspective.
Introduction

As is the case with past presidents of ETS-SW, I have had quite some time to think about this address. In my case, the topic I had in mind two years ago has been shelved. In the past eighteen months, I believe that the Lord has laid on my heart a new topic. In a few moments, you will learn what the catalyst was that brought about this change. As for the rest of the message, you will have to be the judge as to whether the impetus was from the Lord or a different source.

Three preliminary remarks are in order. First, I need to define my target audience. Some of you here are charismatics or Pentecostals. I will not be speaking to you tonight. But I think that you will agree with much that I have to say. I invite you to listen in as I address my non-charismatic brothers and sisters.

Second, I speak from a non-charismatic or cessationist position. That is to say, I believe that certain gifts of the Holy Spirit were employed in the earliest stage of Christianity to authenticate that God was doing something new. These "sign gifts"--such as the gifts of healing, tongues, miracles--ceased with the death of the last apostle. This is what I mean by "cessationism." Some of you fellow cessationists might style yourselves as "soft" cessationists whereby you mean that some of the sign gifts continue, or that the sign gifts may crop up in locations where the gospel is introduced afresh,1 or that you are presently agnostic about these gifts, but are not a practicing charismatic. For purposes of argument, I will take a hard line. In this way, anything I affirm about the Holy Spirit's ministry today should not be perceived as being generated from a closet charismatic. Further, it is not my purpose to defend cessationism. That, I understand, will be taken up in the panel discussion tomorrow. Rather, I wish to address some concerns that I, as a cessationist, have concerning the role of the Holy Spirit today among cessationists.

Third, based on my past performance at ETS meetings, you probably expect a heavily documented, fairly well researched, somewhat abstract, academic lecture. This is not of that ilk. There is a place for such lectures, but not here, not now, not with this topic. Rather, this message will be personal and anecdotal. I trust that, in spite of the paucity of footnotes, you will not dismiss this message as untrue. It is a message borne of my experience with God. This, of course, disqualifies it from publication in any theological journal! But I hope and pray that it does not disqualify it from stimulating you intellectually--not, as I said, because I have investigated every nook and cranny of pneumatology. But because it rings true. Hopefully--and this is my real desire and prayer--your hearts will be convicted as much as your heads stimulated.

This address has two parts. First is a topic rarely mentioned at ETS: a personal testimony. Perhaps in our scholarly endeavor to avoid ad hominem arguments, we have come to disdain anything of a personal nature. But our minds cannot be separated from our hearts. What drives us to study a given topic often receives its impulse from highly personal struggles. And at the risk of making myself vulnerable to you, of opening myself up to charges such as, "Wallace's views can be dismissed because we know whence they come," I wish to share with you, at some length, who I am and how God is working in my life. Second, I have eleven theses to put on the table--theses that have to do with our deficiencies in how we relate to the Holy Spirit. These theses are only at a seminal stage2--indeed, I would like to nail down 95 of them in due time!
My Spiritual Journey

I grew up in a conservative Baptist church in southern California. I was converted at age four when I attended Vacation Bible School in the summer of 1956. My brother, at the ripe old age of five and a half, led me to Christ. Ironically, he was not a believer at the time. A dozen years later I was instrumental in bringing him to the Savior.

I grew up in the church. My youth was characterized by timidity: I was a Clark Kent with no alter ego. I was afraid of life, afraid to explore, afraid to question out loud. In spite of this--or, perhaps because of this, I was a leader in the youth group. But I had questions that would not go away--questions about an authentic Christian experience. At age sixteen I was in the midst of a life-threatening crisis: should I or should I not ask Terri C. out for a date? Because of the turmoil in my soul, I quickly agreed when a friend invited me to a charismatic revival at Melodyland in Anaheim, California. The house was packed; several thousand were in attendance. The speaker said some things that disturbed me intellectually. When he gave an altar call, I was ready to go forward and give him a piece of my mind. As I got up out of my seat, the Holy Spirit grabbed my heart and said, "No, this is not the reason you're going forward. You need to get right with God." Now, he did not speak audibly to me. These words are not to be put in red letters. But as I rose, before I took one step, I was overwhelmingly convicted of my own sin. The Spirit of God was definitely in that place.

As I came forward, about four or five hundred other people streamed forth to the center stage. With hundreds of people there, I was quite amazed when the speaker, microphone in hand, selected me. "Why have you come forward, young man?" he queried. "I came to rededicate my life to Christ," I answered. It was a good thing that the Holy Spirit changed my heart before my lips got in gear!

That night, January 6, 1969, was the major turning point in my life. I still celebrate it as my spiritual birthday (since the exact date of my conversion at age four was and still is a bit fuzzy).

That same night, before I left Melodyland, a man named David Berg invited me to visit his fellowship in Huntington Beach. His group, known then as the Huntington Beach Light House, later became known as The Children of God; David Berg was later called David Moses or Moses David.

I joined the group and became a charismatic. The group was vibrant in its worship, and courageous in its evangelism. My faith was alive. My prayer life was thriving. And I gained courage.

I would pray for hours daily, praying that God would grant me the gift of tongues. When one of the "apostles" (apostle Bob, I believe3) at the Light House discovered that I had not spoken in tongues, he asked if I had been baptized in the Spirit. When I answered in the negative, he laid his hands on me and did the job right there. Observing that nothing had changed, he doubted my salvation.

So I quietly left the group. In the coming months, I fellowshipped at Calvary Chapel, where the neo-charismatic movement finds its origins. Finally, and quite naturally, I left the charismatic movement altogether. But my zeal for God was not quenched. I was a part of the Jesus movement as a non-charismatic. I continued to pray, evangelize, and read my Bible. In fact, there was a long stretch of time in which I read my New Testament, cover to cover, every week. I saw God's hand in everything. And the Lord granted me a measure of courage which was not and is not naturally mine.4 Although I had left the charismatic movement, it took me a long time before I replaced my passion for Jesus Christ with a passion for the Bible.

Because of my interest in spiritual things, I decided to attend a Christian liberal arts college. I attended Biola University, married a beautiful Irish lass5 right out of college, and came to Dallas for more theological training.

Through the years, after going to a Christian college and a cessationist seminary, I began to slip away from my early, vibrant contact with God. My understanding of scripture was heightened, but my walk with God slowed down to a crawl. I took a defensive and apologetic posture in my studies of scripture. In the last several years, I've been questioning the adequacy of such a stance--recognizing, subconsciously at least, that it did not satisfy my deepest longings.

Joe Aldrich, the president of Multnomah Bible College once told me, "It takes the average seminary graduate five years to thaw out from the experience." For most seminary graduates, I suspect, that thawing out may come through the natural course of events. But it took several crises before the Lord started warming me up again. The latest one was what happened to my son, Andy, just two years ago--when he was eight years old.

In December 1991, Andy was kicked in the stomach by a school bully. He developed stomach pains which persisted for quite some time. Two months later, through a providentially guided indiscretion, Andy left the bathroom door open when my wife walked by. She saw something that horrified her: his urine was brown. That same day, she took him to our family physician. This began a series of doctors and specialists. None of them had a clue as to what was wrong. Finally, he was admitted to Children's Hospital on April 20, 1992, scheduled for a kidney biopsy.

Before the biopsy was to be performed, a sonogram was conducted. We had anticipated a blood clot on the kidney, but the sonogram revealed that something more was present. Perhaps it was a tumor. One physician suggested exploratory surgery instead of a biopsy. This sounded crazy to me! Cut my "Beaker"6 open! We agreed, grudgingly, to this procedure.

The surgery took place on Wednesday, April 22. That's when the nightmare began. One of the physicians prepped us ahead of time:

Mr. and Mrs. Wallace, I wouldn't be overly worried about this operation. What the sonogram revealed may still be just a blood clot. And if it's not a blood clot, then, most likely, it's a benign tumor. And if it's not benign, then it is probably a Wilm's tumor. This is a congenital kidney cancer found in children. It's treatable and curable. However, if it's not a Wilm's tumor, there is the very slight possibility that what your son has is renal cell carcinoma. But that is such a rare cancer in children that the likelihood is quite remote.

As the hours during and after the surgery wore on, we found ourselves getting hit with wave after wave of dreaded news. Andy, indeed, had renal cell carcinoma (RCC). And it was not just the normal type--which was lethal enough. Andy had the more potent strain of RCC. Less than ten children ever diagnosed worldwide have lived beyond two years with this strain of RCC. Apart from radical surgery, it's virtually untreatable and incurable, as far as medical science knows.

There was good news through all this, news of a providential character, news which gave me and still gives me hope that my son will live. First, the bully who kicked Andy in the stomach probably saved his life. Only in one third of the cases of RCC is there bloody urine. The other symptoms are usually a mild stomach ache and an occasional low-grade fever.7 That kick to the stomach probably triggered the bloody urine. Second, the one physician who insisted on exploratory surgery instead of a biopsy also saved his life. RCC is so potent a cancer that every case on record in which a biopsy was performed resulted in the death of the patient. In the midst of wondering, of confusion, of crying out to God, I could still see his hand in all this.

Andy's kidney was removed and he went through various grueling tests in which his body was probed for any remnants of cancer. For those of you familiar with cancer, I don't need to tell you about the torture of bone marrow scans. Six days of testing produced no trace of cancer.

RCC in children is so rare that Andy's case was the first one reported in the United States in eight years. Globally, he is the 161st child ever diagnosed with it. There are no support groups! Before Andy left the hospital a team of ten physicians could not decide whether to administer chemotherapy. It would strictly be a preventive measure, but with RCC, prevention is everything. If the cancer metastasizes again, he will die (as far as statistics reveal). No child has yet survived a return of RCC. The choice was ours whether or not to go with chemotherapy.

We decided to go with chemotherapy, because the risk of not doing it, wondering whether that might kill him, was too great to bear. I cannot adequately describe what the next six months were like--for Andy, for me and his mother, for his three brothers. But I can tell you that I was in an emotional wasteland. I was angry with God and I found him to be quite distant. Here was this precious little boy who was losing his hair, and losing weight. At one point he weighed only forty-five pounds. His twin brother at that time weighed eighty-five pounds. Andy was so weak that we had to carry him everywhere.

Through this experience I found that the Bible was not adequate. I needed God in a personal way--not as an object of my study, but as friend, guide, comforter. I needed an existential experience of the Holy One. Quite frankly, I found that the Bible was not the answer. I found the scriptures to be helpful--even authoritatively helpful--as a guide. But without feeling God, the Bible gave little solace. In the midst of this "summer from hell," I began to examine what had become of my faith. I found a longing to get closer to God, but found myself unable to do so through my normal means: exegesis, scripture reading, more exegesis. I believe that I had depersonalized God so much that when I really needed him I didn't know how to relate. I longed for him, but found many community-wide restrictions in my cessationist environment. I found a suffocation of the Spirit in my evangelical tradition as well as in my own heart.

It was this experience of my son's cancer that brought me back to my senses, that brought me back to my roots. And out of this experience I have been wrestling in the last eighteen months with practical issues of pneumatology.
Eleven Theses

I believe that in North America today, there are two brands of conservative Christianity, neither of which is wholly satisfactory. There is charismatic Christianity--the free spirited, right brain, experiential roller coaster. And then there is the evangelical rationalism--uptight, left brain, logical, talking head, argumentative. Neither of these is adequate. Don't get me wrong: I'm a fully committed cessationist. I believe that the sign gifts ceased in the first century. But I think that cessationists need to begin doing serious business with God. We need a deep-rooted repentance--both individually and communally.

I want to offer you eleven suggestions, eleven challenges--eleven theses if you will--that we need to address. I don't yet have 95 of them--and this isn't the Wittenberg Church. And, as I said at the beginning, this list is in a seminal stage. These theses are in a somewhat random order.

(1) Although the sign gifts died in the first century, the Holy Spirit did not. We all can affirm that theologically, but pragmatically we act as though he died too. This is my fundamental thesis, and it's well worth exploring. What can we, as cessationists, affirm that the Holy Spirit is doing today? What did Jesus mean when he said, "My sheep hear my voice?" What did Paul mean when he declared, "Those who are led by the Spirit are the sons of God"? What did John mean when he wrote, "You have an anointing from the Holy One"?

(2) Although charismatics have given a higher priority to experience than to relationship, rationalistic evangelicals have given a higher priority to knowledge than to relationship. Both of these miss the mark. And Paul, in 1 Corinthians, condemns both. Knowledge puffs up; and spiritual experience without love is worthless.

(3) This emphasis on knowledge over relationship has produced in us a bibliolatry. Since the text is our task, we have made it our God. It has become our idol. Let me state this bluntly: The Bible is not a member of the Trinity. One lady in my church facetiously told me, "I believe in the Trinity: the Father, Son, and Holy Bible."

One of the great legacies Karl Barth left behind was his strong Christocentric focus. It is a shame that too many of us have reacted so strongly to Barth, for in our zeal to show his bibliological deficiencies we have become biblioters in the process. Barth and Calvin share a lot in common: there is a warmth, a piety, a devotion, an awe in the presence of God that is lacking in too many theological tomes generated from our circles.

(4) The net effect of such bibliolatry is a depersonalization of God. Eventually, we no longer relate to him. He becomes the object of our investigation rather than the Lord to whom we are subject. The vitality of our religion gets sucked out. As God gets dissected and trisected (in the case of you trichotomists), our stance changes from "I trust in" to "I believe that."

(5) Part of the motivation for this depersonalization of God is our increasing craving for control. What we despise most about charismatics is their loss of control, their emotionalism. We fear that. We take comfort in the fact that part of the fruit of the Spirit is "self-control." But by this we mean "do all things in moderation"--including worshipping God. But should we not have a reckless abandon in our devotion to him? Should we not throw ourselves on him, knowing that apart from him we can do nothing?

Instead, as typical cessationists, we want to be in control at all times. Even when it means that we shut God out. It is this issue of control that kept my friend Sam a cessationist so long. Now, as a member of the Vineyard movement, Sam is quite happy: he acknowledges that he never was in control in the first place. In the midst of what I consider to be a heterodox shift on his part, there is this honest breakthrough with God.

(6) God is still a God of healing and miracles. As a cessationist, I can affirm the fact of miracles without affirming the miracle-worker. God is still a God of healing even though his normal modus operandi is not through a faith-healer. If I can be permitted an overgeneralization, the problem with charismatics is that they believe that God not only can heal, but that he must heal. God thus becomes an instrument, wielded by the almighty Christian. That is one reason why, historically, charismata has been a movement among Arminians. At the same time, the problem with non-charismatics is that although they claim that God can heal, they act as if he won't. I don't really think they believe in God's ability--they don't really believe that God can heal. Thus, the problem with charismatics is a denial of God's sovereignty; the problem with non-charismatics is a denial of God's ability or goodness or both. And neither group is being completely honest with God. Neither is submissively trusting him.

Let me take this a step further. Is it possible for a Calvinist to say that an Arminian can be used of the Lord to bring someone salvation? Yes, I think Calvinists would agree that such a thing is possible. If so, is this not analogous to God using a "faith-healer" to heal someone? In other words, can I, as a cessationist, affirm that sometimes God heals someone through the presence or stimulus of a faith-healer? Perhaps the sick individual, or the faith-healer, was exercising great faith. (After all, charismatics tend to believe in God's ability more than cessationists.) In such instances, could we not say that rather than empowering the faith-healer, God was simply honoring the faith?

If this scenario is correct, then we would not expect every person touched by a faith-healer to be healed. And that is exactly what we find: not everyone is healed. At the same time, because the normal modus operandi of healing is through someone's faith, as a cessationist I can affirm both that there is often great faith in charismatic circles and that there is no such thing as a bona fide faith-healer today. I can affirm miracles in their midst without affirming the miracle-worker.

(7) Evangelical rationalism can lead to spiritual defection. I am referring to the suffocation of the Spirit in post-graduate theological training, as well as the seduction of academia. Most of us can think of examples of gifted young students we have mentored who seemed to lose all of their Christian conviction in an academic setting. For many of us, this recollection is too painful. How many times have we sent Daniels into the lions' den, only to tell them by our actions that prayer won't do any good?

One particular instance is very difficult for me to think about. One of my brightest master's students about thirteen years ago went on for doctoral work overseas. We prepared him well in exegesis. But we did not prepare him well in prayer. A couple of years ago I caught up with him and discovered that he was only confused about his evangelical heritage. He was even questioning the uniqueness of Jesus. This student had suppressed part of the arsenal at his disposal: the witness of the Spirit, something non-believers can't touch. To this day I wonder how much I contributed to this man's confusion and suppression of the Spirit's witness.

It is not the historical evidences alone that can lead one to embrace the resurrection as true. The Spirit must work on our hearts, overcoming our natural reticence. When our graduates go on for doctoral work, and forget that the Spirit brought them to Christ in the first place, and suppress his witness in their hearts, they are ripe for spiritual defection. They need to be reminded--as do all of us who live in an academic setting--that exegesis and apologetics are not the sum of the Christian life.

I speak not only from the experience of my students. In my own doctoral program, while seriously grappling with the evidence for the resurrection, I suddenly found myself in an existential crisis. I was reading in biblical theology at the time, wrestling with those two great minds, Rudolf Bultmann and Karl Barth. I was impressed with the fact that as strong as the historical evidence is for the resurrection, there is and always will be a measure of doubt. Evidence alone cannot bridge the gap between us and God. As much as I wanted the evidence to go all the way, in integrity of heart and mind, I couldn't make it do so. At one point there was real despair in my heart. I had gotten so sucked in to the cult of objectivism that I forgot who it was who brought me to faith in the first place. Only when I grudgingly accepted the fact that some faith had to be involved--and that through the Spirit's agency--could I get past my despair. The non-verifiable elements of evangelicalism had become an embarrassment to me, rather than an anchor.

(8) The power brokers of rational evangelicalism, since the turn of the century, have been white, obsessive-compulsive males. Ever since the days of the Princetonians (Warfield, Hodge, Machen, et al.), American non-charismatic evangelicalism has been dominated by Scottish common sense, post-Enlightenment, left-brain, obsessive-compulsive, white males. Perhaps this situation is suppressing a part of the image of God; perhaps it is suppressing a part of the witness of the Spirit. And perhaps it is not in line with historic Christianity.8 The implications of this such demographics are manifold. Three of them are as follows.

* The white evangelical community needs to listen to and learn from the black evangelical community. I find it most fascinating that the experience of God in the black non-charismatic community is quite different from that in the white non-charismatic community. In many ways, it resembles the white charismatic experience more than the white cessationist experience of God. A full-orbed experience of God must take place in the context of community. And that community must be heterogenous. If, as has been often stated, the 11 o'clock hour on Sunday morning is the most segregated in America, then something is desperately wrong with the Church.
* The Holy Spirit does not work just on the left brain. He also works on the right brain: he sparks our imagination, causes us to rejoice, laugh, sing, and create. Few Christians are engaged and fully committed to the arts today. Where are the hymn writers? Where are the novelists? Painters? Playwrights? A very high-powered editor of a Christian magazine told me two weeks ago that he knows of only one exceptional Christian fiction writer. What are our seminaries doing to encourage these right brainers? What is the Church doing to encourage them?
* By and large, women are more in tune with their right brain than men are. We men have failed to listen to the women in our midst--and this failure is related to our not hearing the voice of the Spirit. If the Imago Dei is both male and female, by squelching the valuable contribution of women, we distort that very image before a watching world.

(9) The Holy Spirit's guidance is still needed in discerning the will of God. The rationalism in our circles makes decision-making a purely cognitive exercise. There is no place for prayer. There is no room for the Spirit. I believe there is a middle ground between expecting daily revelations on the one hand, and basing decisions solely on logic and common sense on the other. Garry Friesen's Decision-Making and the Will of God went a long way to correct some silly notions about how we function in the mundane. But I believe that Friesen went too far. I may not receive revelations, but I do believe that the Spirit often guides me with inarticulate impulses. Admittedly, this is primarily in the moral realm and Friesen was dealing basically with the amoral realm. Yet, a basic recognition that the Spirit does guide me today in all realms makes me increasingly sensitive to his guidance in the moral realm.

(10) In the midst of seeking out the power of the Spirit, we must not avoid the sufferings of Christ. This is the message of Mark: the disciples could not have Christ in his glory without Christ in his suffering. Too often when we decide that it's a good thing to get to know God again, we go about it on our own terms. Again, I speak from personal experience.

Six weeks ago, one of my students died of cancer. Another was about to die. I began urging students at Dallas Seminary to pray for God's intervention. The Lord did not answer our prayer in the way we had hoped. Three weeks ago, Brendan Ryan was buried. My own pain was increased when I saw his three small children paraded in front of the mourners at his memorial service. I had only visited Brendan once in the hospital; I was determined not to let such happen again.

Two more of my students are on the verge of death. I have called them and visited them in the past week. And I learned about suffering and honesty with God. I questioned God--and still do. Out of my pain--pain for these students and their families, pain for my son, pain for myself--comes honesty and growth. I have moments when I doubt God's goodness. Yet I do not doubt that he has suffered for me far more than I will ever suffer for him. And that is the only reason I let him hold my hand through this dark valley. In seeking God's power, I discovered his person. He is not just omnipotent; he is also the God of all comfort. And taking us through suffering, not out of it, is one of the primary means that the Spirit uses today in bringing us to God.

(11) Finally, a question: To what does the Spirit bear witness? Certainly the resurrection of Christ. How about the scriptures? A particular interpretation perhaps? Eschatological issues? Exegetical issues? Don't be too quick to answer. Some of this needs rethinking . . . In fact, my challenge to each of you is this: reexamine the New Testament teaching about the Holy Spirit. Don't gloss over the passages, but wrestle with what they mean. If the Spirit did not die in the first century, then what is he doing today?

Oh dear, I forgot about u again....

And NOW, that my Blog has been revamped, I am entitled to say a few words.

How have I been? Okay i suppose, U know, being in a long distance relationship and being in Kota Bahru are very taxing for me. My flying progress has been slow, only 75 hours in 25 months. I hope I finish fast, though, ultimately its all gonna be in God's hands when and where i finish. That doesn't mean that I won't do my best of course, but I'm certain that in God's eyes, I'm on track, no matter how woefully late i believe myself to be. I believe that in everything we do, trust the Lord, but at the same time, we're called to fight the battles that we can fight, and if we can't, if our strength is not enough, then we look up at our Heavenly Father and wait for his intervention.

As Christians, we're often put in many difficult situations. Sometimes we're called to do things against our better judgment and convictions. Let me share one of my experiences. In flying, we're often called to do our best, because our lives and the lives of so many others depends on our skills. However, there are certain short sighted groups of people who often sacrifice the quality of their skills for speed.

In my experience flying here, sometimes we're asked to falsify the hours that we fly. For example, a person may only fly 1 hour, but many would enter 1.5 hours so that they will graduate faster. This practice is not only condoned by the school management, but it is also encouraged by certain parties who pressure cadets to falsify their flown hours in return for more sorties. Cadets that do not do this, are often left behind in terms of hours and not only that, the allocation of sorties to these cadets is stunted by the operations crews, because in their eyes:-

1) these cadets do not wish to expedite their own graduation
2) they will have to allocate you more sorties for you to finish, whereas your more "agreeable" peers will take much much less time to finish, with less sortie allocation. This means less work for the operations crew, and less of YOU to tie up the aircraft.


The problem is, being a pilot is a hands on thing, and not only THAT, we're pressured to cheat ourselves AND our parents by doing this. We, as pilots, need the hands on experience to learn how to fly properly. Doing this is not only ILLEGAL, but it impairs our ability to fly an aircraft safely. Sure, there are still the tests u say, but one can pass those tests even with just a few hours. As a future captain, I feel that i owe it to my passengers to be the best pilot i can be, and that means gaining valuable hands-on experience. Only minimal requirements are needed to pass those tests and frankly, we should be all that we can be, not just be content to make the minimal requirements.I'm sure many would disagree with me on this but to further prove that this is a wasteful and overall WRONG way of doing things, its about RM500 per-hour to fly solo. With an instructor its almost RM1000 (all of this is said to the best of my understanding of the rates here).

To my Christian brothers and sisters, when the world tries to push u into a corner, make a stand. My outspoken outbursts regarding this issue has made me quite the unpopular person in my batch. Many would say that this is the "reality" or "culture" here, therefore, one should just go with the flow. Friends, we MAKE "reality". Culture comes from people. If you want change, then it is up to you to make a stand, however small, to effect that change. We can't just go on being like the rest of the world for ignorance or convenience sake. Christians aren't like that. We're called to be different, to stand up against oppression and to stand up for what we know is right. Don't be discouraged if people hate you. Jesus says that no slave is greater than his master, and because they hated him (blameless and sinless) they will hate you as well. Trust in the Lord for you protection and deliverance.

To any other pilots reading this, we owe it to our profession and to our passengers to uphold the highest standards of honesty and professionalism in our industry. To those short-sighted individuals who can only see into the next 6 months, think again. One day your lack of skill and experience will be brought into the light for all to see. Remember, ultimately, REAL lives are on the line and there is NO ROOM for ERROR. Pray then, that you will never be called upon to use the skills that you were supposed to have learned here at school in an emergency.

Another thing, let me again congratulate my Christian brothers who have stood up against their batch during the recent exams. I know that a few of you have been asked to help them cheat and "anchor" the batch. For those of you who do not know what "anchor" means, u can always PM me or MSN me and I will tell you. Its far too disgusting to write here. Congratulations on a job well done following your convictions and not giving in to peer pressure.

Many a time, we're called to be different from the rest of the world. Being beacons of light isn't easy when the world only wants darkness. We're called to stand firm, and look to the Lord for deliverance.

Prayer requests:

Please pray that God protects me for the remainder of my training, and that I will get a good job when i graduate. For those of you who are wondering, I'm aiming for MAS first, then Firefly then MASWINGS. Last is Airasia, but in reality, I'll take anything I can get. Also, please pray for my family, that God'll protect them and use them greatly to further His Kingdom. If anyone needs me to pray for them, list it in the comments and I'll gladly pray for you. :)

God Bless you all.

The Church Vs. Secularism

A long debated topic. How much of our lives should we dedicate to God?

Today, I want to put on paper what I think of God's Church...and its implications in the daily lives of the populace at large, mainly Christians.

John Calvin. Do you know who he is?

John Calvin is often known as the Father of the Reformation. Heavily influenced by the teachings of Martin Luther, Calvin was slated for the church at an early age by his father. Ironically though, one of the most venerated men in Protestant history is the son of a Catholic Priest.

Calvin's most notable works are the Calvinist beliefs of predestination and total depravity.

Predestination - The Calvinistic doctrine of predestination is a doctrine of Calvinism which deals with the question of the control God exercises over the world. In the words of the Westminster Confession of Faith, God "freely and unchangeably ordained whatsoever comes to pass."[1] The second use of the word "predestination" applies this to the salvation, and refers to the belief that God appointed the eternal destiny of some to salvation by grace, while leaving the remainder to receive eternal damnation for all their sins, even their original sin.

Total Depravity - Total depravity (also called total inability and total corruption) is a theological doctrine that derives from the Augustinian concept of original sin. It is the teaching that, as a consequence of the Fall of Man, every person born into the world is enslaved to the service of sin and, apart from the efficacious or prevenient grace of God, is utterly unable to choose to follow God or choose to accept salvation as it is freely offered.

Those exerpts are both from Wikipedia, and I've linked the full page as well for your convenience. I believe that both doctrines are correct. That people are predestined to become Christians, to be saved or not, because we have an omnipotent God, and that we, as humans, are incapable of good or noble deed.

John Calvin, was a great theologian, and his teachings were sound. However, if you read the story in wikipedia about his life (link above) particularly in his dealings with the Christians of Geneva, Switzerland, there is a cause of alarm.

Read this as well, a news article about recent development in England regarding the stance of the Church vs. Secular beliefs. Now, what do you think?

The question remains, as Christians, do we have a place for secularism, which is the worldly pursuits of most people on this earth? For one, I disagree with John Calvin's approach in his government of Geneva. No one, but Christians, should have to answer to the churches' laws and sacraments. John Calvin's mistake was to apply Christianity to the everyday law of society, forcing the entire population of a city to bend to Christian Will. That is wrong.

I say this because as a Malaysian Christian, I know what its like to be on the other side of the curtain. Yes, we are praying for Christian leadership in this country, but do we really want a Christian government? I believe that Christianity has no place in the lives of non-Christians. Case study, in Malaysia, we Christians are forced to play second fiddle to those of the Muslim faith. Is it right? Many times, we as Christians would say no, we should not be forced to live by rules made by another religion. Therefore, though, isn't it proud of us, and hypocritical to say that if we lived in a Christian nation, that we would agree with Christian laws being enforced on society, not only on Christians by the church? What makes us as Christians any better than the Muslims then? We will not be a society dominated by religious zealotry. The doctrine of predestination and total depravity clearly states that as human beings we are already predestined to be saved, or condemned to hell, and that as humans, we are incapable of righteous thought and action. Therefore, isn't it unreasonable to ask a person, who doesn't have the Holy Spirit to conform to laws that are meant only for the people of God? The Bible clearly states that we should never throw pearls before swine. How foolish is it then, to throw away the words of Christ unto deaf ears and forcing human beings like animals to bend to the laws of God? People aren't animals. Saved or not, we are all made in the image of God and are above the beasts of the field, therefore, to force non-believers to conform to Christian beliefs is wrong. In the news article, I therefore stand against those who oppose the UK government promoting the use of condoms to reduce the spread of STDs and teenage pregnancy. The church may think its wrong, but this is a secular world. We need to come to terms with that. The Bible isn't for everyone.

A warning, against extremism. We as Christians are called to be the salt of the earth. Thats a very good analogy of the Christian life. How much salt do you use when you cook? Just a pinch or 2 in a whole pot right? In the same way, the Bible already says that as Christians, we will always be few in number and surrounded by non-believers. John Calvin, was an extremist. Often, we have these romantic views about living and dying by the word of God, but we must have caution. John Calvin banned everyday things like dancing, and even formed a religious police arm to ensure that these rules are enforced. I have nothing against following the teachings of the Bible, but who does he think he is, banning something that the Bible says nothing about? This isn't a legalistic debate, but if the Bible is silent on so many things, why then must we impose these rules upon ourselves and our fellow man? Who are we to make laws when God doesn't say a word? Recently, I had a heated debate with someone dear about kissing in the Christian context. To me, if a couple agrees not to kiss due to personal issues, like one partner not being ready or wanting to exercise restraint, then I can respect that. If however you drag the Bible into this, and say that God says it, then I will put my foot down. God doesn't say anything about kissing. Do NOT put words in His mouth. The same way the Christians of the Middle ages justified the crusades saying that God wills it and that the Holy Land should not be in the hands of non-believers, we today can use the name of the Lord to justify OUR plans. Remember that the revealed word of God is subjective, and if you have no theological backing, you MUST always be cautious. Therefore, I disagree with John Calvin's blatant extremism. He literally turned Geneva into a Christian version of today's Iran.

As Christians we need to address this issue, if we are to move forward. Many times, we scare away the masses by being religious zealots. We cannot bring people to God if we keep scaring them away. The Truth of the Lord will defend itself in God's time. It doesn't NEED us to go around trying to be Super Christians. Just because we believe that we speak the Truth, and that we speak the Word of God, doesn't mean that what we're saying is any less scary. No one wants to live in a world full of Rules and THOU SHALT NOTS, not even me. If we choose to live by Christian laws, it is only out of a pure heart and VOLUNTARILY. We should never force others to bend to our own personal convictions. Trust and prayer are important then. If you think a friend is walking down the path of sin, pray and not fight. God will speak to him, and if he is to be saved he will be, not by your hand, but by the Grace of the Lord alone.

Happiness is?

What is happiness anyway?

And where and how I'm gonna find it?

That question has been plaguing me for a while now. I'm in LCCT at the moment, and I'm starting to think, after an extremely productive trip to KL to renew my medical and catch up with old friends, I'm really starting to ask myself, what is happiness for me?

I once thought that if I had the right girl, the right house and the right job I'd be happy. Now that I'm training to be a pilot, I have the girl of my dreams by my side, and thought I still don't own a house, I'm no closer to happiness than when I first began. It really made me reweigh my life. I think that the human pursuit of happiness, no matter how noble or selfish the reason behind it, is flawed.

The American Dream, or better known as the "pursuit of happiness" is now said by some to have descended into a series of material pursuits, to which many have found themselves unsatisfied in the end.

To me, at this point in life, I have really begun to see the futility of man's struggle to find perfection in an imperfect world. I believe that man will never find it in material things. When I was in college, whenever I was unhappy, I'd go out and shop. I'd go out and find something to make myself happy. Sometimes, this involved buying expensive dinners or something as obscure as a blanket. Still, in the end, I only became more and more lonely and sad, as I realised deep inside the hopelessness of my situation. I could not find happiness by changing where I lived, where I studied, what I had, how much money i was given, in the end, all that didn't matter at all. I was very frustrated by it.

I think my coming again to KL, and being reintroduced to life here has thrown more light on what my life is all about. Here, the triviality and futility of materialism is really magnified. Life here is hard, the jams, the overcrowded shopping malls and the sheer congestion are enough to choke the life out of this boy who is used to rolling hills and sandy beaches. I'm not saying that living in KL is bad, rather, it magnifies the burden that we bear as people.

Its easy to say that that is the cause of my deep dissatisfaction with KL, but something never changed. Whether in KL or in KK, always had a reason to NOT be happy. That got me thinking. Maybe, it has nothing to do with where you are, or what you do, its far deeper than that. Its my walk with God that ultimately keeps me smiling no matter what happens outside.

As humans, we are in a very difficult situation. On one hand, we say that if we don't take up the world's call and amass wealth, we will end up poor and destitute, and ultimately unhappy and unsatisfied. On the other hand, those of us who start out amassing the very same things find out, on our deathbeds that in the end, none of that really mattered anyway.

We as humans, have a far greater calling in life than materialism. There has to be, or life will be pointless. People must have a valid reason to live, and a valid reason for existing. As humans, our greatest calling is to worship our great God and creator, and to delight in Him.The joys of this world are often short lived..so we must learn to not rely on them for our happiness. Life really is very very short.

A very close friend related to me her experiences regarding the futility of planning ahead all the time. I have to agree. I kept trying to plan my future down to the letter in the hopes of finding happiness. I'm more resigned to my fate now, as in the end, the Bible is very clear that we can plan all we want, but what happens is the will of the Lord. Its in Proverbs. Still, we should always strive for the best in whatever we do, but always remember that ultimately, our lives are not in our hands. Her experiences of not having things go as she planned, are like mine. Up to today, nothing has gone the way it should. I'm forced to trust that there is a higher power up there, who knows better than me, what I'm doing and whats good for me.

I think I've matured a lot. Today in the plane, I had what was about the same as a mid-life crisis, or in my case, a mid-course crisis. We all know that pilots work hard, and that together with living in KL and the fact that I'm degree-less is really making me squirm. That being said, I think I've changed. This time, instead of running and hiding like I did so many times ago, I'm going to stand and fight. I'm not afraid of whats gonna happen to me. I believe that everything in my life is of the Lord and it is in Him that I put my trust. Courage is knowing what waits for you, but you go anyway...whereas faith is believing the impossible. I need both on my journey through life.

Up!

First and foremost, Merry Christmas to everyone, and a happy new year. 2009 has been a very eventful year for me, and now, as it draws to a close, I can look back and smile, thinking of all the adventures that I've had this year. not all my memories are sweet, but they're all endearing, making me who I am today. Its amazing when I look at myself now and compare me to the person who I was just one year ago.

Well, Christmas, what is the message of Christmas. Last night, on Christmas night, I went out to Uncle David's house for dinner and dessert, it was his birthday, and it was Christmas :). When I came home I watched the Disney/Pixar movie "UP!".

For those of you who haven't watched, it, the story is about an old man, who idolises an adventurer in his youth, meets a girl who shares his interest, gets married, promises to take her to Paradise Falls, but in the end, never made it because of the hustle and bustle of daily life. In the end, Ellie (his wife) dies, and he's forced to live alone, forced out of his house by a construction company, and makes the journey solo(or so he thought at first) to Paradise Falls, to fulfill his wife's last wish, which was to take her there, and build a house overlooking the Falls. Needless to say, not all goes to plan, but it has a happy ending (If you need anymore go watch it!)

So, back to the point, after watching that movie, I started thinking, what keeps a person going, when everything that you hold dear, that you hold to is taken away from you? In the movie, the cornerstones of the man's life were his wife, who died of old age, and Charles Muntz, he and his wife's hero, who in the movie turns evil and selfish. You see, people need a reason to go on, very few actually make it through life just puttering about waiting to die.

When i went out today, I looked at faces of the people around me. Its really easy, to see those who have hope, and those who haven't. How would you feel, if you knew that you're stuck in the life you didn't want, with no way out of it, and still feeling bitter over it all? Ultimately, people will either be resigned to their fates or they just give up. Many times, when you look into a person's eyes, you can tell if that person has something to look forward to, or not, or if he's happy with his life, or not.

I think that the greatest Christmas message of all, is not only one of love, but of hope. My church preached all about God's love this year, but didn't say, that when Christ was born on this earth, we were given an undying hope. if you read Proverbs, it is said that a Christian's hope is in the Lord, and that hope will never be cut out from him. I believe thats the true message of Christmas, and it bears the greatest significance for all. The same way Easter is a day of atonement and redemption, Christmas is a time when people should be celebrating God's love for us, to give hope to mankind, who would otherwise languish in eternal darkness. Nice to think of huh? Well, to those of us who haven't anything left to hope in, my advise would be to wait on the Lord. If you think that its impossible to get out of that dead end you're in, you should remember, that with God, nothing is impossible.

Merry Christmas Again :)

What was probably the worst day of my life, thus far

Its hard to say for sure...but it sure feels like it

Today was the worst day of my life, by far.
It all started nights ago. My computer started to act up. It had all new parts, but its stability was questionable. Sad case :(. Well, I worked late every night trying to find a fix for it. I was quite worried, cos this month, Dec 2009, my warranty ends, and at the time of writing, it had already ended.

The parts of my computer are all new. Or so they say. Everything from the motherboard to the LCD, save the DVD drive and the processor are all brand new. Well, its been working like a charm so far....until it was sent for a MoBo replacement. Ah well. To cut a long story short, I couldn't find the right solution to the constant jamming I was experiencing on my computer. Today i had a friend take my computer apart and reassemble it. The jamming, so far as I can tell, has stopped for now. I'm glad. Hopefully, the problem is gone once and for all.

My health and the rest has been going downhill lately. I've gotten very little sleep, cos of worrying..I slept late nights due to troubleshooting, and I've been having a very constantly high stress level. In essence, I felt like shit. To make matters even worse, I stepped on my handphone today.....In my frustration because of my computer, I forgot to take the handphone out of my pocket before taking my pants off. Well, as a result, it just added to my worries. I assure you, it was no fun being me.....today, i hardly ate or slept all day...mostly watched over my computer and hoping for the best and at the same time trying to find the best and most economical way to repair/replace my handphone. It was no fun. Thank God I had Him. Last night, if i hadn't prayed and asked God to help me through this difficult time, I'd probably would have gone insane. On observation, I think i acted more like an actual person had passed away, instead of a guy with a broken comp and handphone..but yea, I was really hard hit.

Well, today taught me a lot too. I learned how to deal with what I thought would be the most crushing time of my life. You see, I rely on my handphone and computer to talk to my loved ones, and especially my dear girlfriend, who is overseas. Having them both taken out of commission at once is particularly hard...I felt like I was totally cut off. Well, thank God for my friends who managed to help me out. I myself learned how to stay tough and think objectively even in the fiercest of storms. For that, I'm proud of the way I reacted today. Thank God also, for all those who prayed for me through this difficult time, especially you,my love. I think that God brought me through it. Being in a long distance relationship and being away from your parents and family, is really tough. Especially LDRs...they need a lot of effort, and we do the absolute best we can, just to make up for the distance. Having something that you rely on..that you absolutely need, taken away from you, isn't easy.

I think today, God showed me, what my weaknesses are, and more importantly, He taught me how to rely on Him, even if the going gets tough, and bad becomes worse. Don't let go of Him. Instead, hold on tighter, until you can't hold on anymore. The Bible says to hope in the Lord, and your hope will never be cut off. The wicked will perish in the day of calamity, but not God's children. Read Proverbs. My pastor said that if you want wisdom you should read Proverbs and Psalms if you want holiness. I chose wisdom, and those are indeed very wise words. Too often, Christians act like spoiled children. When we don't get what we ask for, we run away from God, who we say doesn't love us, or doesn't care about us, or doesn't exist. Instead, when the storm comes, we must learn, to not give up faith, instead to hold on tighter, with everything we have left.

My mom told me to get a new phone. I'll probably trade in the old one and get something better, or have it repaired. In the meantime, my faithful "hand grenade" is keeping me company. That phone has served me well. Petrina, darling, if you remember, that was one of the first things i ever told you. That my phone is a "hand grenade" :). As for my computer, it seems to be behaving now, but if it misbehaves again, I'll do my best to fix it. All in all, today, I grew, both as a man and as a Christian.

Am I an idiot?

Really, I feel like an idiot. Its probably low self esteem kicking in. I get it from time to time. I have my gripes about life. Then again maybe its just my complainer attitude. I always have gripes about something.

Well, it just that time of year....all my friends are graduating..even you, my love. I'm still behind..being 2 years older. I'm not due out till at least May '10. Sometimes I feel like a failure in life. Like I made all the wrong decisions and came out the worse for wear. I think its normal sometimes for us to see things and say that the grass is greener on the other side. Whether or not it IS greener is definitely open to debate :). More often than not, it isn't any greener at all.

When I was in Australia, I always thought how perfect my life would be. Some call me lucky. For so long, I have striven towards one goal in life. I wanted to be the one who people address as "Captain" and "sir". Hehehe. I'm there now. I'm going to fly :). Thus the name of this blog...Seriously, if you guys STILL don't get the flying penis joke...its because APFT is all male. And what else do men bring with them when they fly? :) Well, back to my story, I always thought that being a pilot and having the girl of my dreams by my side would be everything I'd ever want in life. When i was in Australia, looking over those listless fields, cold and dark, I had a lot of time to think about what i really wanted to be in life. It was time for me to take charge and influence the direction of my life. No longer was I to be blown about by the winds of life...be it my mother or just chance :).

So, rationally, I couldn't be any happier right? I mean, I not only have the job of my dreams, but I also have to girl of my dreams. I should be happy at work and at home...having all that I've ever wanted. Well, that isn't the case now is it?

The devil has many ways of going into one's heart, and telling lies that oftentimes sound like the truth. My entire life, I have listened to what I thought was the voice of reason, because it sounded oh so sweet to the ears.

The tenth commandment is "thou shalt not covet". We shouldn't be looking at what others have and think that what we have is insufficient. Sometimes, the devil whispers in my heart that I'm not good enough, that I'm a failure in life, despite all that I've become...how I've grown, in body and spirit. Today, i met a friend of mine. She was my old coursemate back in Ausmat. She's finished her degree and is now working. It hit home then..that I was sitting at a table with my peers by age, but not my peers by status. I was still a student. Sometimes I get so sad, and ask God, how come he didn't let me choose the easy way. The perfect, painless way. In church, its easy to see..I'm not a MAS cadet, nor am I an Airasia cadet, like many of my friends are. I still have to find a job. In the eyes of many,and sometimes even myself, my future is far from certain. You see, friends, thats what happens when you look at other people's lots. You think what you have is not enough, and you start to take the blessings that the Lord has given you and downplaying them. I have been blessed, with many things:

I was spared a job I would never have enjoyed doing, for something that I have yearned for, my entire life.

I have the full support of a kind, and loving family.

I am in good, if not perfect health.

I have a great church and Christian family here, in all places, Kelantan.

I have faith once again, for Christianity in Malaysia, after losing faith in this country's Christian community for so long.

I have grown in leaps and bounds, both in body, mind and spirit, always for the better.

I have great friends who love me.

and last, but certainly not least,

I have a wise, beautiful woman by my side.

You see? God has indeed blessed me. By looking at what my friends have and thinking that what I have isn't good enough, doesn't do the gifts of the Lord justice. What he gave me, is as good as any gift that has been given to my friends. What about a job you say? Well, I may not be a cadet, but as in all things, my hope lies in the Lord :). After all, if you cannot trust your job to Him, can you trust your life, or your soul to His safe keeping?