Happiness is?

What is happiness anyway?

And where and how I'm gonna find it?

That question has been plaguing me for a while now. I'm in LCCT at the moment, and I'm starting to think, after an extremely productive trip to KL to renew my medical and catch up with old friends, I'm really starting to ask myself, what is happiness for me?

I once thought that if I had the right girl, the right house and the right job I'd be happy. Now that I'm training to be a pilot, I have the girl of my dreams by my side, and thought I still don't own a house, I'm no closer to happiness than when I first began. It really made me reweigh my life. I think that the human pursuit of happiness, no matter how noble or selfish the reason behind it, is flawed.

The American Dream, or better known as the "pursuit of happiness" is now said by some to have descended into a series of material pursuits, to which many have found themselves unsatisfied in the end.

To me, at this point in life, I have really begun to see the futility of man's struggle to find perfection in an imperfect world. I believe that man will never find it in material things. When I was in college, whenever I was unhappy, I'd go out and shop. I'd go out and find something to make myself happy. Sometimes, this involved buying expensive dinners or something as obscure as a blanket. Still, in the end, I only became more and more lonely and sad, as I realised deep inside the hopelessness of my situation. I could not find happiness by changing where I lived, where I studied, what I had, how much money i was given, in the end, all that didn't matter at all. I was very frustrated by it.

I think my coming again to KL, and being reintroduced to life here has thrown more light on what my life is all about. Here, the triviality and futility of materialism is really magnified. Life here is hard, the jams, the overcrowded shopping malls and the sheer congestion are enough to choke the life out of this boy who is used to rolling hills and sandy beaches. I'm not saying that living in KL is bad, rather, it magnifies the burden that we bear as people.

Its easy to say that that is the cause of my deep dissatisfaction with KL, but something never changed. Whether in KL or in KK, always had a reason to NOT be happy. That got me thinking. Maybe, it has nothing to do with where you are, or what you do, its far deeper than that. Its my walk with God that ultimately keeps me smiling no matter what happens outside.

As humans, we are in a very difficult situation. On one hand, we say that if we don't take up the world's call and amass wealth, we will end up poor and destitute, and ultimately unhappy and unsatisfied. On the other hand, those of us who start out amassing the very same things find out, on our deathbeds that in the end, none of that really mattered anyway.

We as humans, have a far greater calling in life than materialism. There has to be, or life will be pointless. People must have a valid reason to live, and a valid reason for existing. As humans, our greatest calling is to worship our great God and creator, and to delight in Him.The joys of this world are often short lived..so we must learn to not rely on them for our happiness. Life really is very very short.

A very close friend related to me her experiences regarding the futility of planning ahead all the time. I have to agree. I kept trying to plan my future down to the letter in the hopes of finding happiness. I'm more resigned to my fate now, as in the end, the Bible is very clear that we can plan all we want, but what happens is the will of the Lord. Its in Proverbs. Still, we should always strive for the best in whatever we do, but always remember that ultimately, our lives are not in our hands. Her experiences of not having things go as she planned, are like mine. Up to today, nothing has gone the way it should. I'm forced to trust that there is a higher power up there, who knows better than me, what I'm doing and whats good for me.

I think I've matured a lot. Today in the plane, I had what was about the same as a mid-life crisis, or in my case, a mid-course crisis. We all know that pilots work hard, and that together with living in KL and the fact that I'm degree-less is really making me squirm. That being said, I think I've changed. This time, instead of running and hiding like I did so many times ago, I'm going to stand and fight. I'm not afraid of whats gonna happen to me. I believe that everything in my life is of the Lord and it is in Him that I put my trust. Courage is knowing what waits for you, but you go anyway...whereas faith is believing the impossible. I need both on my journey through life.